Bicky about Quombs

Ok, im leaving tomorrow morning early for Denmark and so i'm soon to go to sleep, but i thought you should know, straight from the horse's mouth about the latest terrorist attack in my haggard country.

Hundred of people died.

Oops, no actually, that was hyperbole, vasco-style. No one died luckily, but a car-bomb did actually go off at Glasgow airport. Blew up right at the entrance. Big jeep grand cherokee (fat american car) engulfed in a pillar of flame. People ran away as it drove AT the airport terminal and so no one was immediately injured, also because the would-be terrorists were bumbling fools.

As soon as the pillar of flame went up, two "asians" were seen falling out of the car, partly on fire (and i mean that literally, not as a colloquial honorific for their kickassitude). As soon as these people fell out of the car, i'm sure it was easily apparent why they chose a bad airport to bomb - scotsmen don't take kindly to being the subject of even an attempted terrorist attack. Eye-witnesses were said to have beaten the two flaming men to a pulp before the police could restrain them. The police are now questioning them, connecting this incident to those in london recently. One of the men was found with a "suicide belt", allegedly.

Anyway, this is all a bit exciting seeing as i am flying from stansted to Denmark tomorrow, for Roskilde. This just reminds me of what happened last year, with me and Nat in amsterdam; the morning our flight leaves, there's the attempted liquid bombings. I reckon these terrorists are actually just trying to disrupt my travel itinerary. Those bastards.

Anyway, see you soon, perhaps ill update from Roskilde. Either way, i just have one thing to say:

FUCK WE GET OUR RESULTS SOON

and with that, i bid you toodle-oo

Filipa was here

*Small pause when filliIng your lungs with air for doing CPR*
*Read this as if you'd have said it all, during that small breathing pause*:

I just wish Filipa would still be alive for telling you how fucking everything the party fucking was.
She got home by taxi at 4 i think. I arrived at 730. I is much sober now. I did enjoy fresh marrocan ciagerretes that just improved our social, personal and mind and body effects condition.
I cant remember too well but it was fucking great. My mate told me that about 200 different people went to the party(perhaps he exagerated a bit..really dunno!) he party was good...flilpa will tell you details after i finish off the CPR.


*Lungs filled, Proceed with CPR*

ps.: Hope not to piss off the virgin menstruated swedish disgusting nun, Ted.
ps.s.s: I miss you Ted. And you all as well.(Gabriel if you read this...lose your hopes...I do not miss you. Sorry for being so harsh

Astronaut drove without a nappy

Haha! Aftenposten used to be my favourite source for humouralism, but BBC is fast catching up.

A former US astronaut accused of trying to kidnap a love rival did not wear a nappy during her long drive to confront the other woman, her lawyer says.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6255602.stm

Check this piece out. :)

Back in the sunshine

Hello people...

finally, I'm back to Italy! Landed here yesterday afternoon at 13:40 and arrived home at 18:00 after a long trip in the heat fighting with my dad because he wouldn't let me drive. Eventually, I won and I drove!

I was in Copenhagen for a couple of days with Aili (who's here with me now) and we met up with Aske, Sara (and her sister)and Nashfa in a cafè somewhere in the middle of the city where you could smoke water-pipe and obviously drink. It was cool, I think it's the one Jon told me (I don't know if he did the same with you) about.

One bad thing has happened: my mum destroyed my attic! She removed everything that was in there (apart form the sofa and the dead computer). Furthermore she painted the wall yellow and the ceiling light blue (do you think that is normal?!?!), and she hang some old pictures of myself and my sister. You can't imagine how sad this is. but it'll come back to its normal shape.

Here not much is going on: people are killing one another as usual, in a daily routine; the heat is killing some people, usually old ones; in politics they're fighting as usual and not getting anywhere...oh, one cool piece of news: the run over the wife of the President of the Republic outside their house (which his the palace up the Quirinale in Rome). She was walking out for some reasons without body guards as she doesn't want security around her to preserve a normal life despite being the wife of the President but she was run over by a car. Obviously the accident was not planned, it wasn't any terroristic act or anything similar, and she only got, fortunately for her, a broken shoulder and a fractured leg.

ok, I'm off now.

farewell

Häst.

Everything you could possibly want to know about Gordon Brown

So, what with a new prime minister that no one voted for and all that. I decided to do a little research, ask around, gauge public opinion (at the pub) and write down for you guys, as your loyal British Correspondent, what's what with the new leader of the United Kingdom of the British Isles and Northern Ireland. Apologies for length. Here we go:

☼ Upon entering university suffered from a detached retina, is blind in one eye, 30% vision in other. Friends say this made him more determined and driven as a person

☼ Went to Edinburgh at 16, got a first class honours degree (top top top degree only one person gets a year).

☼ Was part of an academic experiment for gifted children

☼ Never disapproved of heavy joint-smoking or bonking at university but didn’t indulge himself.

☼ Became rector at the age of 20 (usually given to a show business star like Peter Ustinov) after a political campaign involving girls in miniskirts. Oh how apt.

☼ Liked power a lot. Freaked out university board by his hunger.

☼ Had a serious love-affair with a Romanian princess who was 81^st in line to the british throne (if 81 people died, Brown would have been Queen Consort, like the Duke of Edinburgh now is) Despite being madly in love with him, they broke up with her quoted as saying it was all “politics politics politics” with him. What an idiot.

☼ In 1975, he made a big splash with The Red Paper for Scotland, a collection of essays on the country's political future, in which he called for "a positive commitment to creating a socialist society". Surprising for a man that brought his own brand of “Turbo-Thatcherism” to the UK, bringing decadent, traditionalist indulgence in wealth rather than belt-tightening, higher taxes and better welfare.

☼ Brown and blair were great buddies, always together, going on foreign trips together, writing each others’ speeches. In the early days the budget (made by the chancellor of the exchequer, the post that Brown occupied FOR TEN YEARS before his recent rise to prime minister) set the tone for the party’s direction and he made some major economic reforms such as making the Bank of England independent.

☼ Brown was the intellectual heavyweight and Blair was the smiley camera-lover. Brown had roots in the Labour party’s origins, Blair had roots in spin and his chameleon-like ability to change colour to fit the mood of the nation; “ooh do people not like Russia today? Right, I’ll make sure I say they’re all nobcheeses on morning TV and remind everyone of how I always thought they were nobcheeses and am very glad people see things my way finally because I’m so fucking clever.” Brown is considered to be the one that tutored Blair in this skill.

☼ Over the last 7 years Blair and Brown disliked each other intensely, with political satirists always painting Brown to be the covetous, conniving, dour Scotsman who lived next door to the lying, impish Blair, always plotting his way into no. 10. (The Chancellor, traditionally, does live next door to the PM on Downing Street). Their relationship was publicly known to be quite a sour one.

☼ Important thing to remember? He’s very Scottish. Hard to really convey what traits a Scotsman stereotypically has, but its strangely akin to West Norwegian ideals we’ve seen at college. But generally far less wealthy. He was also the son of a Church of Scotland clergyman, and has been quoted as describing that background as the source of his moral compass. But he is very secular in comparison with the now-catholic Blair. Hopefully he wont describe the Iraq war as a “crusade” like his moronic predecessor did.

☼ Blair saw it as his destiny that he should bring the UK into the Euro. Brown wrested control from no.10 and devised 5 economic tests that must be passed before the UK could safely acquiesce to joining the single European currency. This, in my opinion, cleverly evaded what would have been an economic disaster for England without causing too much hassle and being backed up by obvious common sense. It did, however, piss off Blair. So good idea all round.

☼ He’s not good in front of a camera, his smiles look forced even when he is constantly reminded to deliver them.

☼ Brown saved Blair’s career as PM over the commons vote on university top-up fees. Blair would have had to resign if the vote had gone against him, but at the last minute Brown pulled his strings and his followers, his backbenchers, swung the vote for Blair, providing him with a win by just 5 votes (out of 646).

☼ He is pro-america, but not as much as Blair, having more friends in the Democratic party than Republican. He is pro-europe, but from a practical and economical, rather than integrationist or cultural viewpoint.

☼ He’s following the current plan of moving Iraq into an endgame and plugging more and more troops into the leaky bloodbath that is Afghanistan.

☼ Brown doesn’t care about the Middle East as much as Blair (probably why Blair is now becoming the Middle East Envoy). On a visit to Israel and the Palestinian territories in 2005, he got Israeli and Palestinian economic ministers together for the first time in many years.

☼ The appointment of Simon McDonald, a former British ambassador to Israel, as his foreign policy adviser has delighted the Israelis, who see McDonald as "friend of Israel". So that’s why Moses likes him

☼ In foreign policy he likes to follow the UN and not overstep the obvious boundaries of being but one European country with appropriate limited power.

☼ He wants Turkey into the EU, more support for industry, farm reform, agrees with Sarkozy, does not want to be a major player though, don’t think of Britain as becoming a Continental Nation just yet, oh no, he wants to stay pragmatic, free-market, and to an extent independent. But he is no idiot when it comes to the obvious market advantages of the Union.

☼ He is jumping on the Global Warming bandwagon at full-tilt with the appointment of Al Gore as a policy advisor. Party members foresee clashes with Bush on this issue.

☼ He wants to get Britain closer to the commonwealth, increasing British aid, in real terms, over 140% since 1997, to nearly £6.5 billion.

Any questions? Ask me.

50 cents

In five minutes i'll be off to buy a stoner clobber. Some nice trippy clothes and shit!

Yesterday I spent the best 50 cents in the whole world!!! At the fair there is a big fucking tent in at which one pays 50 cents, goes in and is given the chance to try out about 30 different bottles of wine. After those 30...one is wuite tipsy... and the wine was pretty good!!! Moreover all sorts of protuguese voluptuous cuisine was available to be tried - It was excellent. went with my best friend and we spent an hour there just commenting about the wines and the food- I fucking loved it.

Starting on fridays I am having parties everyday until next friday.

I'm currently happier than a latin american kid.

My use of psychotropic substances has reduced to pretty much zero. I would smoke a spliff if a mate of mine wishes to do so with my company.

Moreover I would like to say that for quite a while now I have been trying to develop a mthod for actor training. The inspiration came one day when i was sitting at a table of a cafe chain smokeing marrocan fags and drinking absynth. I sudenly started thinking about theatre absorbed in that tornado of of different peaks due to the psychotropic ingestion. I then though about it for like 2 hours then freaked out afraid to lose it all and stole a newspaper from a man and borrowed a pen from the cafe owner. Then wrote for 2 hours about it.
I'm trying to develop it propperly now, been trying it out with some portuguese plays. Once finished off to pete it shall go.

Going now guys.

peace to all

You know what they say...

...about british weather....

It's true.

It's the 27th of July and we have over 140 flood warnings all around the UK. This has been a compound problem from lots and lots of rain, baked earth facilitating water run-off and not absorption and all the tears shed for our beloved Prime Minister who will be replaced like a blown fuse by tomorrow morning. The latter may be a pile of bollocks. Heavy flooding everywhere and almost perpetual rainfall have led me to the conclusion:

Get me out of here.


One happy thought. How has the British Government thought to deal with this evil terr- diluvian foe? Well, they commissioned a team to look into it. What did they decide was the reason for all this? Increased sheep size in scotland. Bigger sheep means bigger hooves. Bigger hooves means more earth is trampled underneath them and compacted, thereby making it less absorbent and simply running into channels and eventually leading to flooding. The interviewer (heard this on the radio) offered "so it had nothing to do with climate change?". The reply - "oh...well...yes...nowadays most scientists believe in climate change and so do we, we are scientists. Now, back to the sheep..."

hahahahhahahahahahha my country sucks

I AMD WU SUBFCUBNIFG HAOOY DTINTHUN-1!!!
IAM SI FIUCMINGE DRUBJ-1111

Gd g«auxh abndre d«greaert night ktiu!

i louveytou asell

My nose is running like a terrorised bitch for a day now. I simply cannot fathom why, after this bloody heat. In any case, nothing exciting on my part, except a few cyclones here and there and few kidnapped Chinese(by some extremist students from a seminary who claimed they were prostitutes), from the street next to mine.

I must sleep now. Planning to drive down to a town I've never visited before. It used to be a desert a hundred years ago but has since then been reclaimed, mainly by the Brits, through irrigation schemes. It's a cultural haven they say. We'll see.

Nervous

I have never been this nervous in my whole life so far.

In 49 minutes I am going to have an interview with a BIG ass wine company from my region because of a scholarship.

Cross your fingers for me please.

Life's good!

Since I fixed up a Party in a club for my best friend's birthday this Friday, I began doing some networking and socializing in order to get to know which people should be invited.

I am quite lucky since right now there is a Fair in my town (for all those who don't know, In Portugal there are Fairs connected to Christian Saints. So we celebrate them with a big Fair. In these Fairs there are rides, Gipsies selling whatever you might imagine for either 1; 2,50; 3; 5 or 10 euros, A lot of really dirty open air restaurants where the food sangria and beer are great and cheap, among other things I won't dare to translate into english cause I simply can't) and EVERYONE goes to it EVERYDAY.

So I went there and met shit lots of my and my best friend's friends' and just basically caught up with most of them, had some beers, nice chats, was introduced to some new people, smoked 2 or 3 marrocan fags and gave out invitations that I had done before hand. I LOVED doing it. Had a very chilled night! Had VERY nice company for the night! The temperature was perfect! Just great for me. Gave out 80 invitations directly to people, and to some of these I gave a couple of more invitations for people whom they knew and I wanted to be invited yet they weren't there and these people would be with those other people in the very near future.(a lot of people I know)

I am very excited about this party!!! The club is great!! I asked an old friend of mine to DJ, he is excellent and has top gear equipment (500 euros cd players and a 1000 euros mixer). The people who are going are good wave people and very laid back. It's gonna be perfect!!

I had to walk back to my home and when I was about 3 km away from my place I was just by a dirt car parking when i see a car shaking like a polaroid picture. About 50 meters in front of me there was a 50 year old guy (who later on turned out to be an excellent person, 'll explain why) giggling and mumbling simultaneously. I went up to him and when I was 10 meters away from him i could smell Sangria. He started commenting about the car saying to people were having sexual intercourse there - quite funny situation. He was just watching the car having fun. I also started laughing a bit.

Then suddenly we hear the woman scream loud as FUCK:

-WHY DO YOU HAVE TO FUCK ME SO HARD YOU DIRTY MOTHERFUCKER! I'M GONNA TELL MY HUSBAND YOU'RE FUCKING ME YOU DIRTY ASSHOLE...(I simply cannot translate into english the rest and i can't remember proppely)

Me and the guy litteraly laughed our asses off. We started chatting about life in general (he was a little bit drunk and talking to very average 50 year old man when drunk can be a very enlightening experience in my opinion). I actually nearly didn't speak because he was very very talkative, yet I enjoyed listening to him.

We stopped by his car and took out 2 hats like big sombreros and gave them to me saying he had many. Asked me if he could take me home, I kindly accepted! He is working on the Fair in one of those outdoor restaurants and promessed that if I went there I would eat and drink as much as I wanted for free.(I dont think this will happen since he was rather tipsy and perhaps was just talking out of his ass) Yet I really admired his kindness, attitude, way of being, chillness and talkativeness.

In general: An excellent night for me.

Everyone is invited to the party btw, so if you're around - drop by. Since you'd be a special guest you'd get special treatment (meaning food and drinks for free plus an extra of marrocan fags if you are interested)

News:

The Prime Minister of My country had the balls to go on National TV and claim that:

-"The government's priority is the Highway connecting Vila Real and Bragança(two northern cities)."

I felt like punching him so hard when I thought about how education, health and social security ARE SHIT at the moment. Those aint priorities...A highway is!!!

Moreover...What the government's priority should be at the moment would be prevention against fires. I think most of you has heard how famous Portugal is for Burning during Summer...Very little prevention has been taking place...I hope the same doesn't happen as 2 years ago. I think no prevention is taking place because he has realized that when the whole country burns, EU comes with MONEY. So maybe he can get a small share for a couple of new cars and houses..no...not for replanting and prevention...Very little of those two are actually done.

Jon, please write something here about that New Brown guy in the labor party, the next prime minister if i aint too wrong. I think we would all appreciate it. What you think about him and what has he said so far and all that stuff.
I've been rading about him but...it's not the same as if it comes out of the mouth of a citizen.

---

Enjoy

Inequity in the portuguese court system and the EU

Dear everyone,

If anyone here does like me, please go down on your knees and praise the lord.Why?

Taste this:

I am currently taking car and 250cc motorbike driving licenses with the money I got from that rave and some other I had saved up. (900 euros in total, 600 euros for the car one. tell me how much it costs in your countries please).

At 8 am I had phone call from the director of the school to meet him there. He wanted to talk to me. Got there at 830am.
Apparently and According to the director of my driving school, I really scared one of the teachers and made him sort out some business so that I wouldn't have to take more theoric classes. Hence I began with the practical ones.

What appears to be impressive about this was that I apparently used some sort of physical violence against the teacher, The director told me. I thought I was in shit, but no: He said I did not proceed in the most correct way but he admits himself it was good because the teacher was "an arrogant bastard and his attitude towards students isn't correct most of the time" (He actually said that about his employee) and after that he became very smooth and treating students well and not calling them derogative names (apparently he called me one). Can't remember any of this, unfortunately. He basically wanted to tell me that what I did was partly good because now he became a better teacher...i pretended I knew everything...

I then had a motorbike driving class(practical) and right now my heart is still beating hard and fast.
I was on a road where the speed limit was 70 and behing me there was the instructor's car. So i was going between 60 and 80..probably closer to sixty. There was a car in front and i was maybe 50 meters away from it. As sudden as a fucking lightning bolt the car begins to brake and turn like as in a stunt thing. I nearly pissed my pants. In fractions of a second i turned right to the road side and just jumped up and let the motorbike go without me on it.

Fell (luckily not on the asphalt but on dirt) and rolled a couple of times while the motorbike hit against a tree(It's pretty much crashed now). Thank god I had an helmet and a leather jacket on me. My right arm hurts a bit and i have a scratch on my arm close to my hand (nothing big at all).

The guy in the car got out and the instructor stopped and got out to see if I was fine(nice of them). What happened inside the car was that the son of the driver (a young little prick) decided to push the handbrake.

No comments...

We called the police and it has to go to court. I'm quite lucky because the school pays for everything. The bad thing is the way the jurisdictional system works in ortugal the first "Meeting" will be in about 2 years or something, if I am lucky.

My parents are worried to the point they don't want me taking the motorbike license anymore, and personally...me neither.

about 4 hours have passed and my heart is still pumping faster than a speed garage record being played at 72 rpm.

Now some news connected with the court system...so you guys see how it works here:

About two months ago, and old senile lady apparently forgot to pay for a cream in the supermarket LIDL and left the shop with it(it is not clear what actually happened). The cost of the cream is 3,99 euros. She is put in court with the risk of going 3 years to jail. This stupid meaningless fucking case took about 3 months to be taken care of. It appeared on the FUCKING NATIONAL T FUCKING V!!! More than once...

Nooooooooooow...An 18 years old boy had a motorbike accident BECAUSE the son of a UNRESPONSIBLE BASTARD decided to push the hand brake in the middle of a road with vehicles going about 60 or 70 km per hour...Is this gonna be dealt within 3 months?!?! NO FUCKING WAY! Maybe if i had gone against the tree it would have! Fuck, why did I jump off the bike?! I'm so stupid!

A couple of facts about the EU and The Iberic region:

Yesterday a friend of my father (quite an important gizer) came for dinner. We talked about EU policies and facts and what happens and doesnt happen. He's gonna give me a book about it.

In the EU Macroeconomic policies are the same for all the members. The members who choose not to live with this policies can get big fines.

In the EU it is forbidden to have VAT over a Tax. In portugal however... There is a VAT over the Tax that is paid when you buy yourself a new car. Why does portugal still do this?! Because the revenue gained by the government from this VAT over the Tax outweights the cost of the fine and moreover it gives the government some revenue!! How nice and Moral?!

CAP (common agricultural policy):
In spain it was said by some important gizer who knows about wine and agriculture (can't rememeber his name but heard it before) that in Spain only 10% of the wine produced is worth being drunk and it comes from Rioja, the other 90% is shit. Spain produces and Insane amount of wine. Now...CAP...EU subsidizes the farmers to plant the vines and it subsiudizes the farmers to produce the wine. What happens: BIG FUCKING SURPLUS. There is no point in making buffer stocks out of wine because it isn't a good that fulfils primary necessities and because there is no big point in keeping the prices since there is always a surplus...So what happens to the big Surplus you ask?!

Guess what?! It is burnt to produce pure alcohol. Guess who subsidizes it? How did you guess right?! Yah it is the EU!!!

Can you see any waste of resources such as land, capital and labour here?

----

I feel calmer now...the record is kinda back to 45 rpm...yet it still is a speed garage record.

Ps.: Noticed anything in the way I wrote portugal? Yes...small case p. That's how much I disrespect my nation at the fucking moment. Fuck it.

The Rike Bide

Picture by The Neville of www.b3ta.com

My life isn't quite as beautifully bollywood as Vasco's, but, i did go on an excellent bike ride the other day, from my house to xav's (international; i live in wales, he lives in england) over hills as high as 260m and through forests as dense as Moses. It was utterly beautiful. Right after one of the biggest storms to hit here in years. Floods, hailstones breaking windows, gales, thunder lightning, all to the point that the place i was trying to work had a power cut every five seconds (distressing when you're working on a computer using a harddisk, camera and various other expensive electronic equipment that could be fried in an instant by a big enough spike) and i nearly soiled myself. The bike ride however, was serene and clear, the river was swollen and red, like a searing liquid rash, but we followed it all the way, seeing such amazing sights as a fox catching a fish, trees falling on roads and a van skidding across a road before clipping a bus. Quite an awesome ride, i nearly died but it was worth it.

In the news...lets see....they are beginning to stop banging on about Madeleine Mccann or Maddy or whatever name theyre giving her. I am sorry but i dont quite see how she gets more publicity than the other hundreds of kids that go missing all the time. Is she gold-plated? No. It's very sad what happened to her but there's really no need to keep reporting that "they havent found anything yet". It's as superfluous as "Elvis is STILL DEAD".

Newspaper faces are plastered with how shit our school system, prime minister, labour party, government and general parliamentary system is. Blair is stepping down and Gordon Brown (think a scottish John Lawrenson with the politics of a miserly Kip Sumner), his understudy so-to-speak, unquestionably steps up to replace him. I don't quite see why this should be so and in all practicality a new general election should be called as we did not vote for the party with this candidate as leader. But then again, the protocol for the government to follow is ambiguous as we have no written constiution and its "all a bit complicated" as my grandmother likes to put it. Our school system is one of the worst in Europe with statistics scarily similar to those Vasco quoted. Blair is becoming Catholic. Generally people are happy to see Blair go

http://www.b3ta.com/links/Goodbye_Tony_Blair

but the replacement isnt so great either. And a young girl was wearing a chastity ring, (chastity, for people like Andrea who might not know the meaning of the word, is when you do not have sex) as propagated by her fanatically christian parents, to school and was told she would have to take it off, has accused her of discrimination against Christians, complaining that headscarves can be worn so why can't chastity rings. The school has replied that wearing a headscarf is part of an organised religion, whereas wearing chastity rings is cheap, nasty, a little bit weird and far too "holier-than-thou" to be allowed at any self-respecting school. Ok maybe the last bit was paraphrased a little creatively, but you get the gist. Who wants unbiased news anyway?

Another excellent thing i've done recently is hung out with my dad. We made 30 litres of beer together. We cut the hedge by him giving me a strimmer (basically a lightsaber; consists of a massive pole with a motor on one end and oscillating blades at the other), placing me on the back of a pick-up truck and driving down the lawn with me slashing and swiping madly at the mass of green streaming towards me while both my father and I laugh like little kids. Bloody good fun. The other day he showed me something cool. Some guys my dad knows randomly made this tesla coil in america. A tesla coil, for those that dont play Red Alert, is a massive apparatus that zaps out sparks of lightning. It does have a more detailed explanation than that, but this is my E-systems version. Go look on Wikipedia if you're interested. Anyway. This one was special because not only was it MASSIVE but they modulated the frequency of the spark to play tunes on it. What's amazing is the sheer loudness of this spark. It effectively means they have an awesome lights show and LOUD music (dogs barking and people screaming are wholly drowned out) all in one. Expect them to hit your local geek-clubs soon.
Find the video and site here:
http://www.hauntedfrog.com/gt/movies/2007/duckon/SingingTeslaShow.html

In other news i will be making a pilgrimage to Bern this summer to seek out the Hang instrument that Nat and i experienced in Amsterdam. If you know anyone in Bavaria or switzerland or north italy that MIGHT be have a sofa or time to show me around a beautiful city for a few hours i would be forever indebted.



I hope i've offended someone's religion with this post. Especially my own.

Your Vitriolic UK Correspondent,
Jonny

Black(fucking)out

This is the most insane, sick, strange, fucked up thing that has ever ever ever happened to me during my idiotic 18 years, 1 month, 14 days and 6 hours of living.

I felt all wet from head to feet and jumped on my bed. I see my mum with a buckett of water on her hands looking REALLY disturbed.

I said- Wtf mum?
Mum- Oh dear god! I thought you were in a comma tried everything to wake you up! Thank god you finally slept a bit though. You prolly haven't slept in the past three days, you said you had insomnia.

Then my brain began to work, I couldn't remember that I hadn't slept. She tells me the following.

Mum- I'm so sorry to wake you up but i got a phone call from an university lecturer friend of mine asking if he could borrow you to help him in a international studies lecture. It's 10 am you have to be there at 10:30- get ready it's a good opportunity for you.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK- I shouted with my guts. I didn't even had the time to think, I was lost. I told her to give me 5 minutes to wake up, she left.

I couldn't remember not having slept for 2 or 3 nights. Furthermore, I couldn't remember anything that happened those 2 or three days! Last Thing I sort of clearly remember is to be writing what i think was a poem(imagine me writting a fucking poem, and wtf for?) on tuesday at dawn. I think I also have a vague idea of either writting a post or a comment here on the blog as well...

I felt desperate!

My mum burst into the room saying I should hurry because that would be a great opportunity for me, to help a lecturer in a lecture.

I had no clue what i had to talk about. I couldn't think about it, i was too busy trying to think about what happened

I got there the lecturer and i chatted a bit about what he was gonna talk about (some serious bollocks about international conflicts and importance of communications and some other stuff I cant recall), and he basically told me to talk about my experience and how it may have changed me and my view of the world and conflicts that are currently happening and some other bollocks I cant recall.

I said, aye fuck it. Time for some serious improvisation. Started a bit amateurishly but then gained confidence. Said bullshit for about half an hour and was clapped in the end by a 50 people class. also answered some questions.
The lecturer at the end gave me some serious amount of respect and 10 euros - he liked it apparently. I had no clue what i had just fucking done. I have no clue how I managed to concentrate on it.

After that the phone rings:

Fuck knows who: Hello! It's The owner of that club you talked to on Wednesday about the party.
Vasco: Wtf?! Which club.
The owner: 8th chapter (my favourite in town!!!)
Vasco:(pretended I remembered) Ahhhhh, nice. So...
The owner: Is to tell you that I have a confirmation about everything and I agree with the previously discussed prices about the drinks: 50 cents for beer, 50 cents shots and 2 euros licquors and heavy drinks. As long as you bring a 100 people and we sell 300 euros of drinks it's good, otherwise you'll pay the difference of how much is sold and the 300 euros.

I couldnt take it!!! I mean WTF?! I ACTUALLY ARRANGED THAT??!! Couldn't remember

Vasco: Oh, good. What about the renting fee how much is it? - Couldn't believe I didnt have to pay a renting fee!
The owner: Since it is for a birthday party of your friend we won't charge anything. Promess me you behave well and come an hour earlier to the club on the 29th ok?
Vasco: (Totally petrified with surprise) Yes, as you wish. Pleasure doing business. Peace.
The owner: see you then.

Still in absolute shock! My phone rings again.

Fuck knows who: Hej mate wasup?
Vasco: Hej, who's it?
Fuck knows who: The owner of that place you wanted to rent for your exam results thingy. Bruno.
Vasco: Hej Bruno!(Pretending I remembered)
Bruno: It's to tell you that I have made the calculations and the price you proposed seems fair.
Vasco: (Absolutely no clue wtf he was talking abt) For what?
Bruno: The dinner on our bar and then the party...So it's gonna be 30 euros, as you proposed, for the dinner and drinks. The drinks can be anything and as many as you want. However you must assure between 30 and 50 people will come. And by 6 am you all have to leave. We will clear the big room where we store things for the dinner and the rest of the place can be for dancing and fucking around, there will be room without problems for 50 people.Have you fixed up a Dj?
Vasco: I'm not sure.(answered honeslty) What was this for again because I've been having a busy time and can't recall the reason of it...
Bruno: Cmon man! Been eating to much cheese ne? ahahahah You told me it was to celebrate your exam results on the sixth of july.

FUUUUCKING HELL. I CANT REMEMBER DOING THAT NOR THINKING ABOUT THROWING A PARTY FOR THAT. AND HOW COME SO FUCKING CHEAP? 30 EUROS FOR A DINNER AND AS MUCH DRINKS AS YOU WANT IN A BAR UNTIL 6 AM??!?!?!?! It does sound good though!

Vasco: Ahhhh yah sorry I remember now (lied)
Bruno: Are we fine then?
Vasco: Yes we are!
Bruno: Drop by here on the 5th for last preparations, ok?
Vasco: Where?
Bruno: Here in the "There is a cat here" bar/restaurant. The old "Fashion"!

I realized where it is, quite a big place with nice Deco and pretty good food.

Vasco: alright Excellent!

OH MY FUCKING GOD! HOW, WHY, WHERE DID I COME UP WITH THAT IDEA?! HOW DID I TAKE CARE OF IT SO FAST! I DON'T KNOW! I HAVE NO CLUE!

You cannot imagine in which state i am to be found right now. Absolutely lost when so much happened and I cant remember.

I just read my past posts and apparently, I took my parents to a restaurant on my mum's birthday and fixed all the problems. Don't remember that either...yet it makes me very happy!

For some stupid reason I erased all the emails I get after reading them so I don't have any emails saved that i received the past days...Moreover I have no historic of messages on msn. I also erase all the sms's I get... Stupid thing to do.I'll never erase anything ever ever again.

However I had an email today from a something called Deloitte. I thought it was spam. But then They are considering offering me a scholarship, I need to send them some information and perhaps go to an interview later on(they say). Now...I can't remember contacting them, yet I remember having a chat with my mum about it...

Fucking hell man! Right now I am in an absolute state of confused contemplation.

I told briefly this to Nat and he said it can be from the fact that I had insomnia and didn't sleep for 2 or 3 days-as my mum told me. It made me forget what happened. He asked me if i took anything...I CAN'T REMEMBER! Even after acknowledging that I did things during these 2 days, I still don't remember doing them!

I need to organize my head and talk to some people to know what I have done in the past days...
I'm gonna sound like an absolute idiot...

However... In the middle of this whole thing. What makes me the most surprised is the fact that the last thing i remember was to be writing a poem...

I'm not a poetic fuck...I never write poems...

P.s.: If I have talked with any of you in the past 2 or 3 days, as in wedensday and thursday and tuesday yet I remember some things about Tuesday...

I am fucking tired, my whole body hurts yet I can't sleep because I am in absolute shock.

News from Uruguay

Following Nat's idea, here are some news from Uruguay. "The president of the eastern republic of Uruguay, Tabare Vazquez, has been approached by a farmer (who actually comes from the same province as Agustina) because his neighbor stole 2 of his cows. Due to the magnitude of the issue, the president has decided to call an emergency Parliament meeting in order to solve the problem. This meeting will be held tomorrow at 14:00pm in the capital". I'll keep you updated about the situation and BTW, sorry but this is the most important thing that has happened in the last 3 months (I guess Poléo was right)
Wish you all the best & would like to meet you soon guys
Juanma

PS: if you by any chance find cheap tickets from Uruguay to Europe, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!

As late as an Italian can be

Hello pretty people...

yeah yeah, I know...i'm late: it took me about a month to start writing on this blog, but life has been quite busy and without internet for a long time.
I'll try to sum up what has been happening to me in the last weeks, but it won't be too long, as time is a precious thing that cannot be wasted right now.

After getting home, the 29th of May 2007, I started settling down in my town once again. Had many people to meet up with, facts to acknowledge, events to get familiar with, in few words try to get back into a world that moved on (obviously) despite me being absent.
So in the first few days I was simply spending time as much as I could with my friends, doing stuff we always used to do: drinking, smoking illegal substances, eating a fuck of a lot of food, driving around (all of them got driving licenses and cars during these months), staying in my attic doing absolutely nothing, basically chilling and enjoying life in general (although my friends were studying quite a lot since they're having their final exams in these days and they needed to be prepared for that, at least a little bit!).

One nice thing was going out for lunch with my former classmates and teachers their last day of school to a place called "La Puzza" (the smell). The menu of the day was:

- starter: Italian ham, sausages (the one Jon loves), mozzarella, olives, tomatoes and bacon cooked in cotoletta style (don't know how to translate that, Poléo aiuto!)
-cavatelli al ragù (which is home-made pasta with tomato sauce and minced-meat)
-tagliatelle zucchine e funghi (mushroom)
-mixed roasted meat (which included a huge quantity of grilled meat accompanied by many sorts of veggies and french fries (sorry Jon for using the yankee word))
-fruit and dessert
-illimited amount of home-made red wine (Vasco I'm sorry but portuguese wine compared to that tastes like pee)
-amaro montenegro (which is like jagermeister, something you drink to help digestion)
-many many cigarettes (yes, I didn't manage to quit, only two weeks) to help

all of this with my friends and it was really really nice (also quite cheap, we only paid 20€ each, which is nothing if you look at what we consumed). if you guys ever come down to my place, I'll bring you there.

Other than that, not much else happened.

I got my driving license: the 11th of June I took the exam under a fucking strong storm but I passed. One could argue that I was lucky with the examiner: in fact, he was the dad of one of my best friend (Andrea Battista, for who knows him). for the ones that don't, he's a guy that I met for the first time at the age of two months, him being just 18 hours old: my parents and his are really close friends, and i've been to school with him since the kindergarden (until I moved to Norway of course). So yeah, his dad was my examiner and everything was fine.

After that I didn't do much else: the 14th I left home again, around Europe. I trip I hadn't really planned, which though brought me alone to Amsterdam, Bruxelles, Berlin and soon to Copenhagen and Malmo.

The 26th, in only 5 days, I'm meeting Aili in Copenhagen , and we're going down to Italy for some 20 days. Jon, if he makes up his little mind, will join us after Roskilde, and the we would all fly to Tove's place the 19th of July (Aili and I are going there anyway). and then people, I suppose I'll meet many of you at Jon's place (I'm flying there from Gothenburg the 24th of July, 15:30 GMT+1, landing in London Stansted 16:20 GMT, unless ryanair cancels my 89SEK flight).

I must say that, reading at your posts, your lives have been more or less interesting in this month.
Faaez, the ASSHOLE thing made me laugh a LOT.
Nat, I agree with Christoffer.
Christoffer, I didn't smell that much!
Vasco va po Caraho.
Bianka, you little thing: rob a bank or something and get your ass back to Europe
Juanma, help Bianka.
Teddy, well, words with you wouldn't work.
Lisa, I might see you sooner than we both think.
Moses, why the fuck this you cut your hair?!?!?!?!
PoPo, scrivimi un email ogni tanto. Basta a farti le seghe tutto il giorno: lo sappiamo tutti che non è vero che lavori, è solo una scusa per negare il fatto che ti fai le seghe tutto il giorno :P. mi machi fattone, ma ci vediamo presto.
and dulcis in fundo (which is by the way Latin)
JoJo, make up your mind soon and get down to me: Modena City Ramblers are waiting for you too.

If I forgot someone, I apologise.

should I write that I miss you all?well...

for now guys, farewell!

yours,

Andrea

'There is No Dialogue with those Murderous Terrorists'

Double Standards 1. No, these words (look at the title) were not expressed by an Israeli politician or any other person holding an Israeli passport. These words were said by the "President of all Palestinians" Mahmoud Abbas, talking about the Hamas.

So yes, I really want to see all these lovely Europeans telling Israel: 'Come on, talk to them, they have changed'. I also want to see the Norwegian PM inviting the political head of the Hamas, Mr. Ismail Hanya, to a meeting with him or Mr. Hugo Chavez praising the Hamas, calling Ehud Olmert, the Israeli Prime Minister, the new Hitler and Israel the new Nazi State.

I guess it won't happen, although, after all, now even the Palestinian president is not willing to "talk" to them because they are "terrorists". They killed their fellow Palestinians in a brutal way, and that is wrong, it is a terrorist act. I only wonder why when they killed Israelis and launched rockets to towns and Kibbutzim (and in my opinion it is fine to attack the army and kidnap soldiers), they were not "terrorists". I wonder why when they attacked Israel and insisted not to recognise its existence, and continue the negotiations for peace, they were not called "terrorists". Why when hundreds of civilians were killed or injured by the Hamas militants they were not terrorists, but freedom fighters, fighting the new "Nazi State"? I just keep wondering.

Double Standards 2. It is not surprising then that the UN Human Rights council decided today, after voting on the subject, to make Israel a permanent agenda item in the Council's meetings. Not Sudan, not Iran, not Zimbabwe, not Russia, not China, not Saudi Arabia, not Zambia, not Egypt, not Venezuela, not Nigeria and not many other countries. Israel is the one the council should discuss about in every single meeting. Israel's actions are considered by this council, consisted of countries like Zambia and China, as the only ones that should be discussed every meeting. I am not saying Israel is not violating human rights in the West Bank, I am just saying Israel is condemned and being targeted by far worse countries, not proportionally to its action, and that is rather frustrating. It is not surprising though, as many of the members of the UN and the 47 members of this council do not recognise the right of Israel to exist. Many others are one-sided countries, which support only one narrative of the conflict. "The Third-World gang" we like to call it, and they are indeed acting like a gang. They are the majority in the UN and they like to target a small country. This council decided not to condemned Sudan, Iran or China for violating human rights, but passed every decision of condemnation it made against one country only; Israel. So let me ask you, why should I trust this council or the UN? It is not surprising also that Israel is the only country without the right to be elected to the Security Council or be part of the main committees. It is just not allowed to. Thank you world, thank you very much. I am sure the three wounded people today are thanking you for not mentioning that the fact their town is being bombed constitutes a human right violation. Thank you once again. Even Kofi Annan, a true pro-Palestinian, who established this council, said in the past that the council is too obsessed with Israel and neglects serious violations of human rights in other countries. He said he thought that by replacing the Human Rights Commission with this council it will stop the excessive focus on Israel. Obviously it did not work out for him. His council is indulging in double standards and hypocrisy.

Back to Gaza. While Mr. Abbas said these words above, about 200 hundred people are waiting in the Erez crossing border with Israel, asking Israel to let them in. There were about a thousand at the beginning of the week, but most of them went back to their houses. Some of the people who are trying to enter Israel fought against it for years (Fatah, as you may know or not, is still holding the first place in terms of killing most innocent Israeli civilians), but now they are scared of the Hamas. I don't know what the right thing to do is in this case. Each decision could lead to a problem - if Israel will let them enter, probably many others will come to the border, asking to enter as well. If not, a humanitarian crisis could erupt. For now, only wounded people, pregnant women and people with foreign passports are allowed to enter Israel. The rest will have to wait for the decision of the new Defence Minister (I don't have connections any longer) and the government. The Supreme Court of Israel stated that Israel should let them enter, as long as they do not pose a security threat to the country.

The present. Israel decided to continue supplying food, electricity and water to the strip, unless Hamas will launch some serious attacks from it. Today (well yesterday), eight rockets landed in Israel, 4 of them in my town. 3 people were wounded and 8 others were "shocked". This is not serious enough to cut off the strip, and I hope both Hamas and Islamic Jihad will not do foolish things that could cause a humanitarian crisis in the strip. For now, the government stated it will not interfere with the internal fighting of the Palestinians and therefore it is not intending to assault the Hamas and invade the strip, unless the majority of Palestinians living in Gaza will call for an Israeli help. I believe it is a wise decision, but some reports are saying some Fatah members are angry about it. In my opinion Israel should not invade the strip and keep the dirty clothes in the hands of the Palestinians. When one invades the strip, everything could go wrong.

Fighting continues. These are the militants who died today while fighting IDF soldiers:
*Suliman Hasan from the Popular Resistance Committee, Halad al-Para and Ahmed Uni from the Hamas and another militant from the Islamic Jihad (his name was not published) were killed in clashes alongside the Gaza border.
*Ibrhim al-Abad from the Fatah and Ziad Blaisha from the Islamic Jihad were killed in a village next to Jenin in the West Bank.

The dove is trying to recover. Israel and the new Palestinian government are planning to hold a peace conference in the following weeks, a conferences that supposes to initiate and ignite the peace process once again. The plans are that both sides will create a momentum that may lead to an agreed peace accord, which will force the Hamas to decide whether to accept it or not. It supposes to be based on the Saudi peace initiative. Let me be sceptic.

Football is helping her (i.e. the dove). Real Madrid played last night against an Israeli-Palestinian "peace team", in a game organised by "The Peres Centre for Peace" (an organisation created by our newly elected president, the Noble Peace Prize winner, Mr. Shimon Peres). The game was held in Israel's national stadium in Ramat-Gan. The new Spanish champions won 8-0, a very embarrassing result, although they did play with all their big stars. The Palestinian players who played in the game, and are living in the West Bank (no Gazian player was able to play), were condemned by the officials of the Palestinian Football Association, but will not be punished because Mr. Abbas allowed them to play. Some Palestinian reporters also did not like the cooperation. I don't understand why they are so upset, as this is a perfectly legitimate and positive initiative. I know it won't bring peace, but it was lovely to see Palestinians, Israeli-Arabs and Israeli-Jews cooperating together, even if they lost miserably. I admire those Palestinian players who agreed to play, despite all the insults they got for doing it. They are the true heroes of their people, and not those militants who do nothing to promote peace.
Refugees. About 85 African refugees entered, illegally of course, Israel in the last two nights from Egypt (the border is wide open). Israel really do not know what to do with them. In the last 6 months, every night there is an average of 50 African refugees, mainly from Sudan, who enter Israel. The reason is that their treatment in Egypt is not good at all, and after they escaped from their terrible lives in their country, I reckon they do not want to suffer further, this time by the hands of the Egyptians. For now there is no direct decision what to do with them, but the local councils are trying to get them jobs and free education, until the government will decide on a policy. Many politicians say that Israel has a moral obligation to help these refugees because we are a "Jewish" state, and thus should not forget how not many countries allowed Jewish refugees to enter their land right before, during, and after World War Two and the Holocaust. I think the treatment should be better though, but I guess when the government will decide on a policy then everything will be clearer. Discussion should be carried on this week or next week.

Homofili nyheter . The homosexual pride parade is about to take place tomorrow in Jerusalem. This parade caused a lot of fuss in the city and created a unity of hate by all three main monotheistic religions. Ultra-Orthodox Jews, Muslims and Christians are constantly protesting against the parade and putting pressures to cancel it. The mayor of Jerusalem - an Ultra-Orthodox himself - decided to allow the parade to take place, despite the pressure. His religious coalition members already alarmed (or possibly threatened?) that the safety of the human beings who are going to march tomorrow is not guaranteed. They, of course, don't call them "Human Beings" but refer to them as beasts.

Economy. The economy of the country is booming. Negative inflation (-0.1%), balanced growth (5.2%), high investment (which is quite surprising as there is negative inflation), lower unemployment (7.6%), high GDP per Capita (22, just a bit lower than France and Italy; higher than the average of the European Union, and then countries like UAE, Cyprus, Spain, Greece, New Zealand, Portugal and generally the rest of the world), invitation to join the OECD, more tourism than ever and a stronger currency. This is quite impressing considering the fact the country is experiencing constant warfare, does not posses natural resources and that the US shrank its aid to Israel to $120 million only, after it decided to give more aid to Egypt and Lebanon. Hence the predictions are that during a peace time the country's economy would perform much better. However, 21.6% of the population is still under the poverty line. Socialism is dead, the gaps within the society are becoming bigger (the Gini index is 38.6). Hence, alongside the growth, some hundreds of thousands of people are barely surviving the month.

Cheaper flights. In half a year it is going to cost only 200$ to fly to Great Britain. Unfortunately, by that time Jon's 18 birthday will pass. Bastards.

Culture. My Chemical Romance confirmed it will hold a performance in Israel this summer; "Summer Boom" festival is going to attract some thousands of young people, in the beach of Nizanim; Slide Hampton and the "Cookers" confirmed their participation with some other worldwide and Israeli Jazz players in the upcoming Jerusalem Jazz festival; there is another Jazz festival in Eilat; some other Rock and Trans festivals are going to happen during the summer; Animation Festival in Jerusalem; A lot of theatre productions and Classical concerts are being performed and going to be performed during the summer; The "Book-Mania" they called it, after last week thousands of books were sold across the country.

Weekend. During the last weekend I was supposed to have some fun. On Friday morning I was supposed to go to Tel-Aviv with two friends of mine. On Friday night I was supposed to have a party, for my birthday. On Saturday morning I was supposed to go and visit a friend of mine in a military base next to Beer-Sheva with two of my friends. On Saturday evening I was supposed to go and watch a film. What happened then that all was "supposed" to happen but did not actually happen? I became sick for some reason on Thursday night. This sickness involved only a fever, which reached 40.4 degrees on Friday night. Yes you heard me correctly, 40.4 degrees. The rest of the time it was between 38.5 and 39.5. I survived eventually and celebrated my birthday but I barely had fun this weekend!

Haircut. Yes, after 10 months I finally went to the barber shop. Only some "hairs" survived.

May the Devil be Mute, Blind and Deaf...

No more need to go to Edinburgh until Jon's party and job thing. I've sorted it out.

It was my mum's birthday today so I decided to take my parents out for dinner. I bought some roses and gave it to her.

After the second bottle of wine I brought up the matter. Very calmly, talking an trying to sort things out. Big talking...

Ended in me saying: "Sorry for whatever I did, I know it was bad and wrong."

They sort of said together: "We're sorry for the way we dealt with things and certain things that we said." - it is quite funny to have your parents say this to you when your right eye is still swollen, I nearly laughed.

Everything's good. Staying in Portugal on Friday and not going fuck knows where. No more working for 2 to 3 months under the blistering sun and 40 degrees everyday for 10 hours except sundays. But most important of all everything is sorted out. Just need to meet my aunt and talk to her.

If I didn't miss Marta to the point at which I can't breath and cry with such profound tightening feeling inside myself, I could say that I am happy.

The whole last sentence in English could be translated to one single word in Portuguese:

Saudade...

This is the NEWSHIT

hahahahaha. I think that's a song, by Marilyn Manson. But its also a pun, for those less musically inclined.

Punctual Chinese to take over 'disgraceful' London train service

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1957661.ece

Which basically means that over in London, they've decided to ask Hong Kong's railway company (the ridiculously excellent MTR) to annex control over the new London 'Overground'. Which just goes to show, of course, how damn excellent HK is.

Moses, Poleo, and so forth are probably correct in their relation to their lives. Its simply that mines is so indisputably boring at the moment that there's little, if anything, to mention. The usual routine, or no routine at all, is the standard: sleep, eat, computer games in the city, a movie or two, a cigarette or two, reading books, newspapers, etc. I suppose the exciting thing is attempting to invest in the stock market for my mother -- this is important, as it will probably affect my university fees. Lol. So I have to research, become familiar with the excessive jargon, structure plans, etc. So some intellectual work -- and hopefully some reward. (A story: my mother made 700,000 HKD by buying at 23.5 and selling at 85.3, some share: however, this money was not for her, as her boss gave it to her to invest. 700,000 HKD is like 500,000 NOK, or something, I think.) I'm also researching some music exams and theory, in order to get some sort of commensurate recognition for my subterranean music theory knowledge; in other words, to brighten up my CV.

Otherwise, I'm searching for the absolute value of the minimum wage here, trying to compare interest rates between here and China, and scratching my eye-balls. Hopefully Thailand will be more active; I should have a job, perhaps a double bass, and some other variables..

News in Portugal

-There was a massive mess about the prime minister having falsified his university diploma. Yes it is true, my prime minister has no university diploma. He's finished highschool and no more. He sucks and after that discovery he tried hiding it with much bureaucracy and stuff.

-Mantorras(A good Angolan football player, whom plays in Benfica and for the Angolan national team - He's a national hero apparently) was caught driving with his Angolan driving license in Portugal, which is the same as saying he was driving with a piece of green bird shit. He got it taken away and now is taking classes. As a response, the Portuguese ex-Colony, Angola, decided that the Portuguese drivinig license(and i am talking about an authorized EU one) would not be worth green bird shit there as well. - Niiiiice!

-The police apprehended a boat with(what the authorities said to have) 200 kilograms of hash inside(no point in saying where it came from). The only thing that is unknown is how much the "authorities" kept for themselves and sold to some big ass dealer. And smoked, obviously.

-The Portuguese police and National Guard are searching all over the land and even looking under stones for Madeleine(the little girl who was kidnapped). Now, I have nothing against this, though there are two things I do have against. First the fact that for no other portuguese kid whom was kidnapped has had the same effort was put into his/her search. Secondly, the fact that the british "authorities" are giving us so much SHIT and saying so much SHIT about the way things have been dealt, while the UK has like 100's of children which were kidnapped and never found(correct me if I am wrong here) and are trying to lead most operations. I do wish the little girl is found.

- My ass-face idiotic prime minister wishes to promote investment. He claims to be left wing, yet his measures are right wing. Anyone who has any common sense would think that (in a country where very little investment is seen from individuals or small firms and that bigger firms are eating them up) investment should come from other entities than big firms and stuff. However, what the spacker thought it would be a great idea to meet with the rain senders of the two biggest banks and two other rain senders of some big ass company to stimulate investment. Even after the Minister of Finance had told him that investment needs to come from below, not top in our current economy.

-According to some entity I can't remember the name, but a reliable one, 2 to 3 factories or firms shut down per week.

-Somehow inflation decreased 0,3% in one MONTH! Ain't that amazing?! Due to increased exports...Now...how many of you has ever seen any(i really mean any) portuguese products in your countries?

-My grandparents have had another cut in their retirement allowance or whatever it is called, the money received by the state once you retire. This one was by 4 point whatever percent adding up to other previous cuts. They earn about 400 euros together - That's nothing. This pisses off many many many people and specially me when I think that they've fed the country for 61 years(that's how long they worked for in cultivating rice and such from sun rise to sun set, since they both were 6 years old, with the trade-off of health deterioration), and others that worked for way less, get triple of what they earn because they worked for 2 years in some city hall or whatever.

-The directly translated "Public Function" which basically is anyone who works in a Governmental institution are about loosing many rights they previously had such as cheaper health. This in addition to the fact that there have been no salary raises for the past 6 or 7 years. This means that my father should be earning 5000 euros more per year and be in another stage of his career.

-There is a sick percentage of students failing school years in all the three phases: 43,5%.
Moreover there is another sick percentage of people giving up school before they're finished. I will not reveal it as i am not sure of how much it is an can't find it right now. Heard it on the news, and If I am not too wrong it's something around 30%, maybe more.

-Whatever is good, Portugal is on EU poles before greece (cause honestly you can't be worse than that). And for everything that is Bad we follow greece in second place(cause honestly you can't be worse than that). Maybe now we shall be third or fourth with due to the entrance of Bulgaria and Romania, and every fucking horse cum face politician will see that as great improvement on the pole! Because we decreased 2 or 3 positions on something that's bad, we've improved! Sometime ago I remember to see one of those polls for some health thing. We were before greece. Next year our values did not change at all! Yet we went up by 2 positions because spain and some other country fucked it up. The Minister of health saw it as a marvelous improvement!!!

Conclusion:
My country is Shit, I hate being here, I'm sick of being beaten up quite often, I hate all the gipsies, I hate how much people stress when they only have 2 national exams which count 30% of the grade, I hate all the fucking bunch of stuck up refugees who are leading this shit and the worst part is that I did not tell you anything that i consider being really Bad.
Poleo, stuff does happen here...it's just that it is within the country and doesn't bother anybody. it just feels us up with shit every year that passes. Yet somefuckinghow all the bloody rain senders say everything is improving so much and so well!!! It's amazing how our economy is developing so much and everything is sweet in their butterfly eyes! when you look around talk to 2 or 3 people, you'll get the reality.

Fuck this. I promess here that I'll stop being a fucking hipocrite about portugal, and boast about it.
It is NOT good! It SUCKS! The only positive thing is the cheap polen and the cheap alcohol and excellent raves and parties and beaches and most girls be hot.

Feel free to come and visit the shit.

I here present my sincere and honest hopes that Portugal becomes a Provence of Spain - That's our only salvation. Happily, I am not the only one thinking this way.

Ps.: The above was written in an absolute state of sobriety.

News and Norway and "the new concept"

It is with great glee I register the development of this blog. I have earlier discussed it with Ted, and he's right, it's bollocks except for my posts. What Nat and Ted seem to have discussed is also close to the truth I believe, besides also close to what Ted and I agreed, to some extent, on. In any case, moving the general scope of the blog from self-indulgent boasting to somewhat more serious matters would be interesting. But Moses aptly objected that we should still include updates on our lives, an objection with which I most sincerely concur. Hence:

My life sucks, I had a free day today and my mum managed to call in the electrician. That meant I had to get up at 10.00. As revenge I slept until 15.30 after he left, and keenly got up for breakfast, or dinner as the mortals named it. Tomorrow work awaits once again, I can't wait. Beep, beep, beep, bag? receit? have a nice day! ....bitch. Yes I work as a cashier. That's all really, apart from that I occasionally try sorting out my life, but generally hit the wall quite fast...

That's it for my life. Today, another reiteration of why Norway rocks so much became familiar to me, do click here. Once again Norway is owning. Even if that's old news, I must say that it does quite effectively rebuke anything anyone ever might boast about their own country being excellent. Except if you're from Luxembourg. They are actually a bit richer than us. Sparsely populated assholes. Moreover I suppose our ownage is the reason for Ted's shot-in-the-dark comment of Norway being Sweden. You wish. You aren't even second on this stupid index. Finland, your OTHER neighbour owned you TOO. Sweden? Dritten i midten. The shit in the middle. Loser country with loser people in a loser culture. Bollocks to you and your wish to be like us; best.

Apart from that, nothing is happening. Norway is as silent as a dormant Portuguese the day after a rave. In these times you might actually expect to log onto some online paper and read "Sorry, there is nothing new today" or "Too bad mofo, no news."

In conclusion I can only say I like the idea. Not that I'll have to change anyway, seeing that I am the only excellent contributor here, while you others are all feeble mortals with no future whatsoever. Especially Ted, cos he's Swedish. Lisa has yet to criticise Norway, so I assume she is either an intelligent Swede (oxymoron) or has realised that she can never become what we are and that she is inferior on all points. If the latter is true, it doesn't matter that she's inferior, she's at least not COMPLETELY ignorant.

Anyway. I must say my interests of news rather span from UK, Portugal to some extent and Israel. UK because we never get much coverage on that here apart from typical "A Tory spat on the ground in London now he faces deportation to Australia. Again." Portugal I never hear about, but I suspect that's because nothing happens there just like here, so that justifies the earlier reservation in my statement. However, if there is actually something going on, possibly EU-related, I would enjoy enlightenment. Some might ask why on earth I want to hear of Israel, as there is basically nothing else coming to me through any media anywhere about this and that, but I would like to know more detailed and possibly analytically about the Palestinian situation and how Israel is dealing with it specifically. Here most people are all "ah cute Palestine help them from horrible big Israel" and I can't really have it. After what the Palestinians seem to have stirred up lately, killing each other instead of Jews, I start to wonder if they even want to attain anything by war, or if war is the actual goal. Should the latter be true, they are one clever people, should it be false they must be stupid as logs. In any case they would be classified as people I don't like, i.e. hate, so fuck them. Tell me about what you are going to do about it. Is there going to be an offensive for example, from the north of the Gaza strip? And then what?

Pakistan interests me too. There are so many of you around me all the time anyway that I have to be interested; it would be like not greeting my mum upon homecoming, not caring about Pakistan. Besides, you scored pretty shitly on the ranking presented above. Of course I could conclude that you just inherently suck, and having met you Faaez, that isn't so hard, but then again, having met you Faaez, you might also be able to shed light upon just why you are so shit?

To be quite frank I don't really worry much about Hong Kong. I don't want to know what I don't know, besides, what I'll need to know I'll probably pick up whenever I visit it. It's fine. Uruguay; I don't think much happens there either and whatever happens I will know whenever I drop by. It's fine too.

However, SWEDEN is a country that I don't only don't give a shit about, I care so little that the only news I want from there is if it's going really bad. You got an epidemic? Great, let me know.
Someone attacking you? Who? When? Are you losing the battle? Economic break down? Don't come crying to us motherfuckers, we left you more than a hundred years ago and aren't about to have make-up sex yet, bitches. In summary, if Sweden stops existing, I want to know. If not, I'll just pretend it doesn't exist anyway.

Lots of love for everyone except anyone that would consider Pärsson or Syrén valid names. You even use hitlerletters you whores.

p.s.: Fuck you Ted.

During my driving license lessons today we were talking about bullshit driving rules that everyone knows since they're 5. But suddenly the instructor brings up to our class something so interestingly amusing that I couldnt help myself and pissed on my pants.

What the instructor told us (and I later checked) is that it is a crime, I really must underline this here, A FUCKING CRIME to call another citizen of Portugal any derogative names. If this happens and there is evidence and proof the case will be dealt with in court. Furthermore it also is A CRIME to spit on the streets, and will be dealt in the same way as the aforementioned CRIME.

Now...it might not sound that funny. But! I can assure that you will not find a single policeman in Portugal that does not spit every five minutes on the floor (Including inside cars, yes they actually open the window to spit...quite often!). In addition, it is very common to find policeman around when a fight is taking place and many "derogative" names are being called to one another and even sometimes, including the policeman himself if he can be bothered to try and stop the fight.

I have never heard anyone getting a ticket or whatever for any of the above. I have spat in front of policeman and called someone pretty nasty names in front of "Agents of Authority", as we call them here (No Ted, it isn't fucking Spain).

Now about Nat's idea. I like it and agree with it and bla bla bla...but I also like the way it has been so far. I have to say that I feel pretty interested on what Poleo or Jon smoked lat night and how much fun they had and how they felt. Basically what i like is to know what has been happening with everyone, or know they're feelings towards something or a situation, what they're about to do...those sort of things. Those things make me, in a certain way, feel as if everyone is "around" I know what is up and I sort of can still feel and say - Hej, I know this idiot, still the same. Glad he had such a good time at a Cap Empire Concert. - or whatever.
Hope you get my point. I'm a bit tipsy now went to take care of a private party stuffs

See you

A.S.S.H.O.L.E

Well, I was driving Jappo around the roads of Lahore, which were incidentally flooded due to the recent torrential rains and I received a call from my father. He wanted to know the password of my computer since the other one had broken down. I was silent for a moment, trying to think of an excuse and upon failing to think of any, cleared my throat and spelled out deliberately: "A,S,S,H,O,L,E".

I don't know if he was genuinely shocked, or if the reception was bad or if he was just having fun, but he made me repeat that four times. Even Jappo was laughing his arse off. Pretty damn embarrassing. And I hadn't even set it: it was bloody Havard, who took revenge by setting a password on my otherwise omniwelcoming(take that fucking pedantic nazis) computer, after I drenched him with a bucketful of water.

As for news, so boring Nat. But we've had awesomely hot weather in the last few weeks. And save the last couple of days, it's been a constant 45+ ever since I returned. It's being touted as the worst heatwave in the history of the country with more that a 100 people dead in the first week since I returned. Most of them were fucking junkies who were just lying around the streets of Lahore thinking it was freezing, but that's besides the point.

Also Pakistan's judicial/political crises continues as the case filed in the Supreme court by the government against the Chief Justice(the judicial head who has a reputation of sticking it to the government when it came to shady cases) is still unresolved.

Moreover, many were found hitting their heads against the wall when the Pakistani foreign ministry spokesman, Tasneem Aslam did it again. Commenting on the knighthood bestowed upon Salman Rushdie by ol' Lizzy of Britain, she said that 'the honour could provoke radical Muslims to carry out suicide attacks'.

She has a reputation for making silly comments which are not even funny, unlike other Pakistani politicians who at least provide comic relief to the masses.

Idea

I agree with Ted somewhat when he comments on the deteriorating quality of the blog. Hence, I hit on an idea, because I am quite bored and would enjoy writing in this style.

Why don't we write about news in each of our countries and post it, every once in a while. That way, we could stop remarking on our miserable lives and instead write something productive. I am personally interested in (most) of your country's news, especially Israel, Pakistan, UK (not Wales), and perhaps Portugal.

Probably no one will actually like this idea or be bothered to do it, but I will start anyways.

In HK yesterday, the stock market broke records of records. Like, financilious records; highest volume of trades and highest absolute value of money traded. And for Hong Kong, with its voluminous and stock exchange, that is in itself quite interesting. (My mother wants me to begin speculating with her capital, which is why I know this. Any recommendations from anyone who is knowledgable?)

Otherwise, July 1st marks the date of the 10th anniversary of the handover from the previous masters (HMG) to the new masters (PRC). So the city is gearing up for celebration, journalists are reviewing the past 10 years, etc. Quite excellently, British politicians and representatives have been snubbed and not invited to celebrations, whatnot.

Upon review, actually, this idea was quite sterile and unnecessary.